There are so many unknowns coming ahead on the horizon:
Will we have a baby that sleeps or a baby that cries non stop?
Will I love being a mom or will it be an immense challenge?
Will I bond with my kid right away or will it take time?
Will breastfeeding be hard or easy?
Should we move to be closer to Alex’s work? Or stay because moving is hard?
Will the birth be difficult or not too bad?
How are we going to function on so little sleep?
None of these things are things I can know in advance. None of these things can I plan for — or even remotely change by worrying about them right now.
In fact, the enormity of some of these questions makes worrying about them seem ridiculous. I can’t know yet. I won’t know. There is peace in not knowing.
Alex has been repeating a mantra lately that has been calming and grounding:
Is there anything we can do about it now?
The answer is often no.
So we release the need to hold on to the fear and worry.
We will deal with it when it arrives.
What transpires is trust:
Can we trust our future selves to be able to figure it out? Will we be able to handle it?
The answer is resoundingly yes. We are (you are!) competent, capable, smart, resilient people. We can figure things out in real time. We can be present, knowing that we will make new discoveries when we need them.
Even if we have the hardest year of our lives. Even if nothing turns out as planned. Even if we have a better year than we can ever imagine (because often worry focuses just on the negative: it can also be far better than we know).
We will live through it. We will do the best we can.
I trust my current self to show up and learn and grow. So, too, do I trust my future self to be able to deal with what comes to me as it comes.
We cannot know in advance. That is part of the joy of living.